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> Charlies Anger
Crazy World Of Arthur Brown
post Jan 5 2006, 11:00 AM
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What d'ya reckon to my short story? Not finished yet, but any feedback would be great biggrin.gif


It all started out as a bit of an adventure. Dusk had fallen amidst the ruins of the old, forgotten Scottish castle and a chill wind blew off the choppy waters of Loch Assynt. Rose petals left over from a wedding at the ruins danced about the tumbled-down boulders like flights of blood red butterflies. A storm was brewing around the black peak of the Quinag Towers Mountain.

Angela was laughing and dancing, her golden hair decorated with wildflowers and silky red ribbons. “Come on, Charlie!” she said, with an out of breath giggle, “let’s have some fun before it starts to rain.” She paused for thought, a wicked smile spreading upon her crimson lips. “Ever done it in the rain, Charlie?” she asked, alluringly.

Charlie Mackenzie gave her a grin. “Naw, I haven’t Angel. Have you?”

Angela giggled again, “Not yet… Come here, sexy.” She drew in close to him, grabbed him by the lapels of his black overcoat and kissed him passionately, all the while pulling him back towards the crumbling tower of the castle, as the wind whipped and snapped at her white dress.

Lightning flashed somewhere above them and they embraced against the walls of the tower. As the rains began to tumble down from the huge black thunderhead above, Angela wrapped her legs around Charlie’s midriff. He took her weight in his strong arms, pushed her up against the hewn granite ruins and kissed her neck ardently. They were too engrossed in their love to notice that someone was watching them.

A old, dark-hooded woman stood close by, alone in the rain, unmoving and unnoticed. The tattered remnants of a once white dress - now grey and streaked with age - poked out from underneath her heavy black cloak. Though the wind galed around her, her clothes remained frozen still, as though she were some long forgotten Scottish monument carved from the Earth itself.

Angela was the first to see her. “****! Charlie, stop… no I mean it Charlie! Someone’s here…” she said, her green eyes wide with surprise.

“Who in the hells else would be here in this weather?” Charlie replied, turning his head towards where Angela was looking, pointing. Lighting flashed again, and a long peal of thunder seemed to shake the mountains around them. The old woman had vanished. “There’s no one there,” Charlie murmured, “You must be seeing things, Angel.”

“What the…?” Angela exclaimed, slipping down to her feet again. She took a step forward, her hand resting upon Charlie’s shoulder as she looked around for the strange woman. “Where’d she go to?”

“She wasn’t there in the first place,” Charlie offered. Angel took her hand from his shoulder, took a few more steps away from him, looking around a crumbled wall.

Charlie wiped the excess rainwater from his brow and shook his head. The rain was getting heavier. “Look, Angel – maybe it was an old ghost or something,” he said, trying to appease her, “places like this are full of them… Let’s get back to the hotel and out of the rain, eh?”

Angela wasn’t listening. Her dress clung to her now, showing off every curve in a semi-translucent sheen that seemed to glow in the strange light around them. Charlie thought for a moment that she herself could be mistaken for a ghost if anyone had been here to see her. But not even the Scots were daft enough to come out in this weather, he thought.

That was when the lightning hit her.

Angela fell to the sodden ground, lifeless. Her dress and hair gave a few thin wisps of smoke, quickly obliterated by the wind. Charlie was momentarily blinded, and had fallen backwards, hitting the back of his head against the tower. He fought to remain conscious, and the now drenching rain helped a little, but a terrible pain that seemed to crush down on his skull made the driving rain far worse than it helped.

“Angel…” he struggled, through gritted teeth. He couldn’t get up, but saw her lying motionless in the grey downpour. The castle seemed to spin around in his vision and the rain and his confusion was making him angry. He tried again to get to his feet, but without success. “Angel, answer me for Christ’s sake!” he shouted, his brain jarring with the force of his words. Angela was lifeless.

Anger boiled over his vision. Somehow, he managed to force himself to his feet, take a few steps, before falling over again into the mud. Fuming with rage, he crawled through the mud, towards where Angela was lying.

Then he saw old bare feet standing in front of him. Looking up beyond the hem of a once white dress, now streaked with grey that poked out from under a heavy black cloak, Charlie saw the old woman. She leant down towards him, while he tried to blink away the pouring rain. He saw that she was blind.

“Always angry, Mackenzies!” she said sharply, in a croaking Scottish accent. “Aye, ye’ll never learn, ye won’t!” She produced a black walking stick from under her cloak, and seemed to look straight through him with an intense all-white-eyed gaze. “I’ve a thing or two to teach ye about anger, lad!”

And with that, she raised her walking stick high into the air, and as lightning crackled above her, she brought it down hard upon Charlie’s head.
Mikkaelson
post Jan 5 2006, 04:04 PM
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ooooo.... I actually wanted that to carry on..... Who was the blind scottish women???? I'm guessing Charlie and Angela kick the bucket.... or do they live and come back in the last chapter to save the day??? cool.gif biggrin.gif

Well, I'm no English teacher and I hardly read anything outside of non-fiction, but that was good and quite gripping.


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Cigerettes, ice cream, figurines of the Virgin Mary
Cadillacs, blue jeans, drop a glass full of antique sherry
Crazy World Of Arthur Brown
post Jan 6 2006, 04:46 PM
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QUOTE(Mikkaelson @ Jan 5 2006, 04:04 PM)

ooooo.... I actually wanted that to carry on..... Who was the blind scottish women???? I'm guessing Charlie and Angela kick the bucket.... or do they live and come back in the last chapter to save the day??? cool.gif biggrin.gif

Well, I'm no English teacher and I hardly read anything outside of non-fiction, but that was good and quite gripping.



I'm gonna try and finish this off over the weekend, not sure what to do with it yet. It could go either way!

You have any ideas?
accadia
post Jan 6 2006, 05:11 PM
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Was Angela really struck by lightening or was it really the old woman? I don't think Charlie should die, and maybe not Angela either.


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Mikkaelson
post Jan 6 2006, 06:14 PM
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QUOTE(Crazy World Of Arthur Brown @ Jan 6 2006, 04:46 PM)

I'm gonna try and finish this off over the weekend, not sure what to do with it yet. It could go either way!

You have any ideas?


God... the only idea I have is that Angela recovers while the old ladys back is turned while she's busy clubbing Charlie over the head and gives her a ..... ummmm..... low blow, the Stone Cold Stunner and then picks up the 1-2-3 and the championship.... The fans go wild biggrin.gif



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Cigerettes, ice cream, figurines of the Virgin Mary
Cadillacs, blue jeans, drop a glass full of antique sherry